Fear, Its always Fear

Don't you hate how afraid we are?

No, not of the dark.
And no, not of heights.
And no, not even of spiders.

I mean of... well, everything.

Every little thing we do, we're always afraid. We don't always notice it, but we are. We watch our words, afraid of offending someone or saying something that might cause someone's opinion of us to change, even if only by a tiny little bit. We're constantly biting our tongues to keep from saying the wrong thing, the wrong words.

We’re always walking on our tiptoes, watching our thoughts, and biting our tongues.

We’re scared.
We’re always scared.

Scared to say or do the wrong thing.
Scared of rejection.
Scared of offending someone.
Scared of letting someone see the real you.

Aren't we taught to grow up and overcome our fears? Don't they, our teachers, parents, and relatives, teach us to not be scared? Then why are we stuck in this state of constant fear? It's hypocritical, too. They teach us that we shouldn't be afraid, that we should see the light past our fears, and all the while they're sitting there in the corner, shaking in their boots over saying something wrong, not living up to expectations, or screwing up.

I think that's the biggest fear of all, screwing up.

But "screwing up" covers so much. There's so much we can screw up. We can screw up something as minor as a quiz and as major as someone's life. But I think we're all afraid of simply appearing as a screw up in the eyes of someone we hold near and dear. Losing respect, we always fear. We want respect nearly as much as we want love.

Love.

God, that's another big fear isn't it?

The fear of losing love.
The fear of falling in love.
The fear of never finding love.

There's always something to fear in the game of love. Am I doing something wrong? What if they don't like me? What's wrong with me? I wonder if they do like me? I hate being alone. Will I always be alone? I don't want to be like this, alone, forever. I couldn't take that. I can't take this. I'll never find love, I know it. Maybe love isn't meant for me. I'm just another helpless case…

Once we learn the word and notion of love, isn't it practically always in our mind somewhere? In some manner or another, I mean? And from that notion stems all of these fears that multiply every day…

… or maybe that's just me…

Anyway, I hate how afraid we all are.

We bottle up so much. So many feelings are hidden and kept secret forever, swept under a rug in our minds and left there for eternity. The honest words are usually the ones swooshed away to save us from screwing up, and the false words always tend to prevail.

It's sad, isn't it?

Shouldn't it be the other way around?

I think it should.

I'm not scared enough to keep from saying that.

~~The Sometimes Brave Pixie